Vino Vixen Vino Rules of Thumb

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 20 2008

I ran across a very interesting website called Rules of Thumb.org.

In their words, a Rule of Thumb is “a homemade recipe for making a guess. It is an easy-to-remember guide that falls somewhere between a mathematical formula and a shot in the dark. A farmer, for instance, knows to plant his corn when oak leaves are the size of squirrels' ears. An economics professor knows from sad experience that inviting more than 25 percent of the guests for a university dinner party from the economics department ruins the conversation. Rules of thumb are a kind of tool. They help you appraise a problem or situation. They make it easier to consider the subtleties of the topic at hand; they give you a feel for a subject.”

So, for today’s column, I thought I’d espouse my own “Vino Vixen's Rules of Thumb.” Mind you – these are not hard facts without exception, simply general observations made by The Vino Vixen™ backed by 20+ years of wine sipping of over 5000 different wines (not all in one sitting).

Vino Vixen Vino Rules of Thumb
Funky Wine Labels – Will have wines that are more fruit-forward, approachable, and will have less tannins.
Bottle – The thicker, heavier the bottle, the better the wine.
Punt – That’s the indent in the base of the bottle. The deeper, the better the wine.
Bottle – If you readily see and feel the seams on the sides of the bottle, the quality is inferior.
Traditional Wine Labels – More terroir (“earthy quality”), and Old World, less fruit and more textured.
Bottle – Brown bottled Reisling from Germany will be from the Rhein. Green will be from Mosel.
Chilling – If a wine says “Served well chilled” on the back label, it’s a crummy wine.
Varietal Name – If a European wine lists the varietal (grape name) on the front label, it is not a serious wine. (i.e. if a Bourgogne also lists “Pinot Noir”).
Importer (the importer’s name is listed on the back label) – Australian wines imported from The Grateful Palate will be good.
Importer – Spanish wines imported from Grapes of Spain will be good.
Importer – Champagnes imported from Terry Thiesse will be good and rare.
Importer – European wines imported by Hand Picked Selections will be good and cheap.
Bottle – A long slender bottle will hold a Riesling
Bottle – A bottle with broad shoulders should be decanted (red).
Bottle – A bottle with sloped shoulders should not be decanted.
Bottle – Any bottle bought or given by a friend should be consumed with that friend.
Toast – Always look your guests in the eyes when giving a toast.
Toast – Always take a sip of wine after a toast is made.
Screw Tops – Will allow you to enjoy your wine 18 seconds quicker then fumbling with cork.
New Zealand Wines – Will almost always be under screw top.
Wine Lists – Never order the second cheapest wine. Usually the highest marked-up.
Pinot Noir – Put a slight chill on them and the difference is astounding.
Decanting – Even a cheap red wine benefits from decanting.
The Vino Vixen – Adores Champagne and will always accept a flute of it.

Cheers!

VV

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